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I used to write a lot when I was younger (Livejournal was my mojo), then stopped for years. This blog is an attempt to get that rolling once more; hopefully, the motivation wick doesn't put itself out again.
2017 is halfway done; I'm not sure how that happened, but here we are. It's been an eventful year, with many personal and professional changes on the horizon. I suspect having a more organized, coherent means to collect and reflect upon my thoughts will be a boon.
(Additionally, I really like sharing pictures, and don't necessarily want to depend on Facebook for this. It's easier for me to tell stories associated with the photos using a blog. Facebook doesn't encourage this. While you can write captions, they're fragmented, and it isn't the focus.)
I think this entry will set the stage for the sort of material you can expect to read here. I suspect it won't be of interest to many as much of it will be self-reflection, and that's fine. I like an audience, but I'm writing this primarily for myself.
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I've had difficulty sleeping the past few days; too many thoughts streaming through my consciousness. Yesterday, it finally caught up to me when I succumbed to a massive headache (which I seldom experience, fortunately) and passed out around 18h00. Waking up just before 22h00 meant I was up past 3h00, but then I was able to rest for six additional hours. I feel okay, right now.
Last week, I completed the final requirement for my degree (doctorate in chemistry): I submitted the accepted, corrected version of my thesis to the university for processing. After five years, it's finally OVER. My Ph.D. has easily been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, but that's a whole other topic; what's important is the fact that it's FINALLY FUCKING OVER is a source of immense relief. And yet, here I am at work, still performing experiments to wrap up a final project for bosslady. It's... rough. I think I'm partially burnt out from the whole experience, with the final six months of my degree being particularly demanding. These final experiments are taking more time than anticipated, and despite having an imposing deadline, I'm finding it immensely difficult to keep pushing.
This wouldn't be so stressful if it weren't for the fact that I depart for a cross-country move in 16 days: I currently reside in Montréal, and will be driving to Calgary to start a new job. I have my trip planned, but I haven't prepared anything here, yet (like packing and purging). I don't even want to start thinking about it, honestly, but of course that's not an option. I still have friends that I want to see, and friends that I want to see more of.
I think at this point, I'd rather spend more time with a few people I truly adore, rather than seeing as many friends and acquaintances as possible. I hoped to do more of this before I left. The fact that I've had to work regularly this month ate up so much time and energy... it just really, really, fucking sucks. I'm a little crushed.
Fortunately, I had a break from work over the weekend and got to do exactly this, as I'm told normal people typically do. I organized a social event with six friends that involved camping in my parents backyard like little kids. We live in the suburbs away from the city, and transport at night is dreadfully long or even impossible; hence, camping! Somehow they were all legitimately excited about this idea for an evening, which took me by surprise. In the end, what's not to like? BBQ! Sweets! Good company! Drinks! Merriment! Fireflies! Feral bunnies! One of the tents hosted three of the girls, and I heard them continue chatting and giggling for quite some time after we retired for the night, which made me grin. I shared a tent and mattress with another friend, which was definitely not measured for two Canadian amazons. Despite not sleeping well (I never do when I change my routine), it was pleasant; I'd forgotten that it can be lovely to sleep in such close quarters with a friend. I find it soothing and comforting and I miss camping for that.
I realized after the event came to a close, that I have a problem when I host company: I have no compass for gauging if they're enjoying themselves, and that ultimately, what I'm providing isn't enough. Rationally, I know this is ridiculous, especially since I was THERE and everything seemed to go well, but I still experienced that feeling. It's unusual, and I don't like this discrepancy I have between what I rationally think and what I feel. I'm still pondering what to do about it.
I fucked up and WAY overspent on food and drinks (again, I never know what's enough! So I must buy ALL. THE. THINGS. People will be happy if I provide ALL THE THINGS, right?), which I regret because money is tight until I actually start working my new job. I suppose 200 bucks is a pretty cheap life lesson and in the end, if it's spent to make others happy, it doesn't hurt as much.
Even though I have lovely people in my life, because of the psychological caveat I described above, much of the event was suprisingly demanding. I had to co-ordinate logistics like who had tents and mattresses, when and where to pick up their gear, when and where to pick them up, when to get all the food and alcohol, how much to get, physically setting everything up, doing the cooking and serving, etc. This normally isn't a problem for me and I'm quite good at it, but I hypothesize that owing to being-burnt-out-from-thesising-and-work, it ended up being a lot to handle. When I finished dropping my friends off the following morning, I was overcome with the desire to collapse in my car and cry. Instead, I drove to work, stared at my screen for 20 minutes, realized that this was going to be a bust, and called two other friends who I was planning on seeing later that evening.
"Hey, are y'all home?"
"Nope, but we will be later. What's up?"
"May I come over earlier than planned and please take a nap?"
They're lovely friends and despite affectionately making fun of me, they said yes as I knew they would, but it's still pretty pathetic. I got to flex my car power abilities and pick them up from IKEA to help them transport unassembled furniture, which they highly appreciated. When I awoke from my half-awake-half-asleep rest, the furniture had been assembled, and they hadn't broken up, which is always an endearing sign that they once again could handle the IKEA relationship test.
Despite the unexpected anxiety (which I'm mildly shamed about), I'm grateful to have friends open to ridiculous ideas for evenings like this. I have 16 days left to milk this as much as I'm able... challenge accepted?
2017 is halfway done; I'm not sure how that happened, but here we are. It's been an eventful year, with many personal and professional changes on the horizon. I suspect having a more organized, coherent means to collect and reflect upon my thoughts will be a boon.
(Additionally, I really like sharing pictures, and don't necessarily want to depend on Facebook for this. It's easier for me to tell stories associated with the photos using a blog. Facebook doesn't encourage this. While you can write captions, they're fragmented, and it isn't the focus.)
I think this entry will set the stage for the sort of material you can expect to read here. I suspect it won't be of interest to many as much of it will be self-reflection, and that's fine. I like an audience, but I'm writing this primarily for myself.
---------
I've had difficulty sleeping the past few days; too many thoughts streaming through my consciousness. Yesterday, it finally caught up to me when I succumbed to a massive headache (which I seldom experience, fortunately) and passed out around 18h00. Waking up just before 22h00 meant I was up past 3h00, but then I was able to rest for six additional hours. I feel okay, right now.
Last week, I completed the final requirement for my degree (doctorate in chemistry): I submitted the accepted, corrected version of my thesis to the university for processing. After five years, it's finally OVER. My Ph.D. has easily been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, but that's a whole other topic; what's important is the fact that it's FINALLY FUCKING OVER is a source of immense relief. And yet, here I am at work, still performing experiments to wrap up a final project for bosslady. It's... rough. I think I'm partially burnt out from the whole experience, with the final six months of my degree being particularly demanding. These final experiments are taking more time than anticipated, and despite having an imposing deadline, I'm finding it immensely difficult to keep pushing.
This wouldn't be so stressful if it weren't for the fact that I depart for a cross-country move in 16 days: I currently reside in Montréal, and will be driving to Calgary to start a new job. I have my trip planned, but I haven't prepared anything here, yet (like packing and purging). I don't even want to start thinking about it, honestly, but of course that's not an option. I still have friends that I want to see, and friends that I want to see more of.
I think at this point, I'd rather spend more time with a few people I truly adore, rather than seeing as many friends and acquaintances as possible. I hoped to do more of this before I left. The fact that I've had to work regularly this month ate up so much time and energy... it just really, really, fucking sucks. I'm a little crushed.
Fortunately, I had a break from work over the weekend and got to do exactly this, as I'm told normal people typically do. I organized a social event with six friends that involved camping in my parents backyard like little kids. We live in the suburbs away from the city, and transport at night is dreadfully long or even impossible; hence, camping! Somehow they were all legitimately excited about this idea for an evening, which took me by surprise. In the end, what's not to like? BBQ! Sweets! Good company! Drinks! Merriment! Fireflies! Feral bunnies! One of the tents hosted three of the girls, and I heard them continue chatting and giggling for quite some time after we retired for the night, which made me grin. I shared a tent and mattress with another friend, which was definitely not measured for two Canadian amazons. Despite not sleeping well (I never do when I change my routine), it was pleasant; I'd forgotten that it can be lovely to sleep in such close quarters with a friend. I find it soothing and comforting and I miss camping for that.
I realized after the event came to a close, that I have a problem when I host company: I have no compass for gauging if they're enjoying themselves, and that ultimately, what I'm providing isn't enough. Rationally, I know this is ridiculous, especially since I was THERE and everything seemed to go well, but I still experienced that feeling. It's unusual, and I don't like this discrepancy I have between what I rationally think and what I feel. I'm still pondering what to do about it.
I fucked up and WAY overspent on food and drinks (again, I never know what's enough! So I must buy ALL. THE. THINGS. People will be happy if I provide ALL THE THINGS, right?), which I regret because money is tight until I actually start working my new job. I suppose 200 bucks is a pretty cheap life lesson and in the end, if it's spent to make others happy, it doesn't hurt as much.
Even though I have lovely people in my life, because of the psychological caveat I described above, much of the event was suprisingly demanding. I had to co-ordinate logistics like who had tents and mattresses, when and where to pick up their gear, when and where to pick them up, when to get all the food and alcohol, how much to get, physically setting everything up, doing the cooking and serving, etc. This normally isn't a problem for me and I'm quite good at it, but I hypothesize that owing to being-burnt-out-from-thesising-and-work, it ended up being a lot to handle. When I finished dropping my friends off the following morning, I was overcome with the desire to collapse in my car and cry. Instead, I drove to work, stared at my screen for 20 minutes, realized that this was going to be a bust, and called two other friends who I was planning on seeing later that evening.
"Hey, are y'all home?"
"Nope, but we will be later. What's up?"
"May I come over earlier than planned and please take a nap?"
They're lovely friends and despite affectionately making fun of me, they said yes as I knew they would, but it's still pretty pathetic. I got to flex my car power abilities and pick them up from IKEA to help them transport unassembled furniture, which they highly appreciated. When I awoke from my half-awake-half-asleep rest, the furniture had been assembled, and they hadn't broken up, which is always an endearing sign that they once again could handle the IKEA relationship test.
Despite the unexpected anxiety (which I'm mildly shamed about), I'm grateful to have friends open to ridiculous ideas for evenings like this. I have 16 days left to milk this as much as I'm able... challenge accepted?
